Afternoon tea anarchy at the Malmaison Liverpool

When you think of afternoon tea, you most probably roll your eyes at thought of another cream bloody scone and teeny tiny china cups that you can’t even fit your thumb through. You likely imagine incy wincy little cupcakes with sugared almonds on top, anaemic cucumber sandwiches and English Breakfast so milky it could pass as dishwater.

Well think again, buddy because the afternoon team game is changing and I can vouch for it after a fabulous afternoon spent at the Malmaison Liverpool on the city’s picturesque Princes Dock. We took our seats in the window of the beautiful brasserie and admired the decor while our waiter talked us through their modern take on a quintessentially British classic.

Afternoon tea at the Malmaison Liverpool

We sipped our way through a good old fashioned cuppa while we deliberated between the Classic Cream Tea (£10pp), the Afternoon Tea (£17.50pp), the Cocktail Afternoon Tea (£25pp) or the Champagne Afternoon Tea (£25pp). Of course the champers won so it wasn’t long before two strawberry-clad flutes, bursting with golden Mumm NV Champagne bubbles found their way to our table. (They found their way even quicker down into our stomachs, let me tell ya!)

Hot on its heels was the main event, the anarchist of afternoon – a towering stack of alternative bites that I just couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into. Looking like something that the Oompa Loompas might have rustled up at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, the selection of sweet and savoury snacks was a real sight for sore eyes and each sitting so pretty on a contemporary slate stand. No kitsch cake stands here, folks.

Afternoon tea at the Malmaison Liverpool

Whether you make like us and go for the Champagne version or go for the cocktail combo instead, each comes complete with: mini scones with jam and cream, smoked salmon and creme fraiche wraps, chipotle chicken and avocado wraps, mini burgers, strawberry and vanilla pavlovas, salted chocolate brownies (GF), bite size lemon and polenta cakes (GF), peach and Amaretto cream, plus a frozen summer berry smoothie. Yup, all the foodie feels. Everything in front of us was pretty delicious but the best of the bunch for me had to be the slider-style burgers and the peach and amaretto cream.

I mean, I guess it’s no gastronomic ground breaker and nor is the food Michelin star but then afternoon tea never is, is it? It’s all about the novelty and sharing something special with your favourite person and the Malmaison delivered exactly that.

So all in all, if you’re on the hunt for afternoon tea in Liverpool in a cosy, modern surroundings then 10/10 would totally recommend the Malmaison. This was actually my very first afternoon tea experience but I do suspect this one most probably airs on the more extravagant side when it comes to cost but still absolutely affordable and 100% worth it.

Be sure to book before you go though – this gaff fills up fast.

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