Take 2: the Elephant Bank restaurant, Neston, Wirral

I’ve been a side line superfan of Elephant Bank restaurant in Neston (on the Wirral) for a decent stretch of time now. In fact, it even featured on my blog way back in August 2017 where I raved about The Vault and the boozy salted caramel shake I had while I was there.

Despite being such a regular to the Elephant Bank and its neighbouring coffee shops, I’ve never actually understood where it gets its name from…

Why ‘Elephant’?

Elephant Bank pizza

I mean, I guess next time I’m there I should take the time to find out but for now, here are a couple of theories I’ve come up with after my trip there last week to check out the new menu…

Elephants possess the largest brain in the land animal kingdom. They have a total of 300 billion neurons in their brains which is around three times the amount humans have. Saying that, it only takes one look at the state of current world politics to call human intelligence into question.

The rationale behind this theory?

You’d have to be some sort of bloody genius to make Doughballs (£5.50) that damn good.

I’ve had said doughballs every time I’ve been to Elephant Bank so forgive me for repeating myself (and the photographic evidence) but honestly, these are out of this world.

They come served as a steaming hot pile of squishy doughballs, soaked in garlic and glued together with molten mozzarella with Garlic & Rosemary butter for dunking.

Garlic and cheese doughballs at Elephant Bank pizza

You’d also have to be pretty well-endowed in the old IQ department to conjure up the recipe for the Elephant ‘Secret Sauce’ which came slathered all over my garlic & thyme roast chicken burger (£11). I won’t give too much away – just to say that it was the perfect adornment for the chicken breast which was moist as can be and bursting with flavour.

The burger was cushioned between a soft, warm brioche bun and partnered with a basket of handcut ‘Funky Chips’ which had been twice deep fried for crunch and tossed in garlic, salt and rosemary for sheer pleasure. Divine.

My second theory?

According to my research, an adult elephant requires an average of 150kg of food daily. That’s 330 pounds of food; nearly 25 stone’s worth of the good stuff and to that, I can relate for at Elephant Bank, consuming more than double my own bodyweight seems like a pretty viable option.

When it came to picking our starters, we agreed to go halfies on the garlic doughballs (duh!) and some ‘Traditional Meatballs’ (£6.50) which were just shy of orgasmic.


Locally sourced beef meatballs bubbling away in the most flavoursome arrabiata sauce like some sort of edible jacuzzi alongside some Parmesan & rosemary focaccia really was a joy to behold. In fact, the meat was cooked so well that it comes as no surprise that my partner in dine crowned her main meal “the best steak she has ever eaten in her life”.

It was a hunk-a-chunk of aFillet Steak (£20) cooked medium-rare on request and served with peppercorn sauce, roast vine tomatoes and some buttered greens instead of Funky Chips (also on request – weirdo).


The steak was so melt-in-the-mouth tender that I think if my partner had shown me ONE MORE BLEEDING TIME how easily her knife slipped through the meat during our meal, I might have just had to murder her with said cutlery right there and then!

I can’t blame her though, it was pretty incredible – and that’s coming from one of the world’s minority who doesn’t go cock-a-hoop over a great steak.

After guzzling down my favourite Salted Caramel Crunch shake and spiking it with a generous measure of Amaretto to really show Dry January who’s boss, I couldn’t possibly have tackled dessert. Maybe I shouldn’t start identifying as an elephant instead of human after all.


However, if you want to delve deeper into the Elephant Bank food menu and virtually explore the venue through my camera lens then feel free to click right here for my previous post.

Whatever you do though, don’t read it if you’re hungry and less than a mile radius from some sort of snack to amuse your bouche. You can’t say I didn’t warn you…

I was very kindly invited to review Elephant Bank but all words, photographs, opinions, teeth, hair, boobs and nails are my very own.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.